550 on the verbal; 480 on the quantitative

(I don’t know about the essays, but I thought they went well) – more than enough to get me into grad school.

This is a milestone for me, a really big deal. I can’t explain. Maybe I can.

I always thought that I screwed up my undergraduate. Part of it was tied to Theresa. I had a breakdown in first year of college. After that, my confidence was shattered. I took bird courses (theater production: where you learned to hang a light and use a crescent wrench). I knew I was smart, but I couldn’t find the nerve to test myself (perhaps some of you feel this way).

Well, a number of years ago (around the time I turned 35) a number of questions persisted: could I move beyond Theresa’s death? If I could, did I have the smarts to hang with the best?

It was a huge albatross. The weight was daunting. I decided I couldn’t move to the question of higher education until I resolved the matter of Theresa. That consumed four years of my life. I’m proud of it. That gave me strength. I then moved on to the second question. Was I smart enough? I really didn’t know. The idea of attending an American university for post graduate studies crippled me. It was like a tunnel in those Twilight Zone episodes that kept getting longer and longer. It froze me.

I decided to go for it. To legitimize myself. An individual who cried for vicitms’ rights was a lunatic, but an advocate with degree credentials was a force to be answered. The graduate degree will answer the question of the victimization. It has to.

Now there is no doubt. My wife and I drank a bottle of champagne this evening. My daughters wrote me a banner of congratulations. The course is certain. I will defeat the forces that oppose me not with passion, but with intellect and facts. This is a power that I willingly share with all who are oppressed through victimization. Your cause is my cause. Tell me how I may help.


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